In 1992 I met my husband Willie. I instantly became Willie's girlfriend. On October 1st, 1994, I became Willie's wife. In 1998, our first child, Wills, was born and I became a mom. We had Jack in 2000! I was Wills and Jack's Mom. In 2005, we had another baby, Molly. Unfortunately, I didn't get to parent her because she died during childbirth. But I am still her mom. In 2009, we travelled to China to adopt our beautiful Elizabeth! It amazes me how many people I have become in 20 years. Girlfriend, wife, mom. They are all wonderful things to be, so gratifying, and fulfilling, but what happened to Carrie Lindsay, the girl I was before I met and married Willie and became a mom?
After Molly died, I needed to figure out how to live again. I had 2 little boys to mother, but I also needed to take care of me. I think I forgot how to do that...These boys needed me and I was less important. That, I believe, is a typical pattern for moms. They take care of others and forget about themselves. Being healthy for your family is so important and I had forgotten that totally. As a defense mechanism, I turned to food as I always have. I hid myself behind my weight. If I hid, then I wouldn't have to deal, right? Not really.
It took adopting Elizabeth in 2009 to make me face my demons and get "healthy"! I cannot tell you what joy she brings to our family!! Her laughter echoes through this house and her smile can light up the room! We are all madly in love with her...She has helped our wounds heal and has helped us to find joy again! She also helped me take a long look at myself in the mirror...
At that moment of meeting her, I wanted to be a better person. I wanted to love more, yell less, live a more full life! I wanted "ME" back. I was faced with who me was, however! I am no longer Carrie Lindsay! I am Carrie Lindsay Howard!! But, who is she?
About a year after Molly died, I discovered a wonderful dance class called Nia. My sister, Margy, pointed me to it. She had been dancing Nia in Montana for quite some time and mentioned how healing it was. I was hooked from the moment I stepped into the studio. I had never experienced an exercise class that you could actually connect your mind and body together! I was present in my body for the first time in a long while. Nia came in and out of my life for the last 7 years. I was in January that I found Nia again and I felt like I was home!
My fabulous Nia instructor Jenny Silverberg helped to gently guide me back to myself. It was with her guidance that I decided to take the Nia White Belt Teacher Training. I am leaving today for a week to train with 5 other ladies to teach Nia. I am so excited, but also so nervous!
This blog is for us all who have lost ourselves. I hope that you will find my Journey To Me through Nia an inspiration. I hope that you will find your passion. I hope that you will enjoy my journey and maybe, just maybe you'll want to take a journey too!
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